Dating a man who was sexually abused
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Regaining the ability to trust someone in the medico takes work, but we need to know when to put the past behind us and move forward. We have been going to counseling for almost a year now, as I could not completely get past everything he had done to me in the beginning, so I wanted medico with that. We also used to party with him before we were married. Telling me I was worse than a woman Belittle me for eating food. He cannot cope with stressful situations and suffers from dating a man who was sexually abused anxiety. Perhaps she did not give herself the sin she needed to go through the process in order to move ahead into a new relationship. None of them ever said I treated them bad. Secrecy about things that are shameful can be a legacy of sexual abuse, but this is not helpful for a mutually supportive relationship. For the first social weeks or even months of the relationship, they treat you like the best thing in the universe. Once with my ex when he pinned me down and wouldn't let me up and I panicked. Developing and negotiating in any relationship is often complicated and difficult.
Page 1 of 1 Im interested in knowing some of you guys opinions or experiences dating women that where victims of sexual abuse. The last three women I have dated have all been victims of this. I of course didn't know that when we first met. All were really attractive and the latest was very successful career wise. Yet it seems they can't connect even in a relationship when they say they love you. All of these relationships have failed. I didn't really do anything wrong. They all have crazy trust issues just because Im outgoing. I told them never once have you gotten a call from a lady, had one pop up at my house or seen any inappropiate messages in my text. One went as far as making a fake profile to get on my facebook. After I had already previously gave her the password to my facebook since she made such a big deal about it and was constantly starting fights. You have to many friends you dont need 4oo friends. I thought given her the password would clear her mind that Im not cheating. She proceeded to go back year and have problems with me saying a few girls were pretty. After that drama a change the password. All of them has told me they wanted and never had a man treat them right. I treated them right and the act like its not good enough. They dont know what they want anymore. If I hear Im sorry I thought I wanted this and that, but I dont think I can be with anyone. I heard that the last 3 times. I never want to hear it again. Is it wrong to think If a woman tells me that, I am instantly not dating her anymore no matter how good its going. I think that they are permantley damaged. I hate to say that but it has proven true in all the ones Ive dated. I look forward to any insight guys and girls couls give me. Should I steer clear of a woman who has been thru this? You cannot label all women who have been abused as a child crazy because you dated 3 women who acted out in different ways. Women who have been abused as a child may have issues when it comes to sex and sexuality because theyve been exposed to it at such a young age, but the good thing about this is a woman who has been abused as a child will be able to spot an abuser easier than a person who has never been abused and she will protect her children with her life from being abused. She will be able to see things that a regular woman wouldnt notice because she has been through it herself. The down side to dating a woman who has been abused as a child is that if she hasnt gotten counselling, a lot of sexual issues can trigger her back to experiences as a child. Since women who have been abused have been taken advantage of sexually, if they havent built up enough trust and respect for a man they are intimate with, any situation can trigger feelings from the past. Feelings of disgust, anger, being used, being robbed, abandonment, neglect, self loathing, self hatred, unloved, uncared for, left behind, unhuman, invisible, small, unwatched over, etc. There is not enough words to describe the disgusting low feelings. This usually continues onto a lifelong circle of triggering events that they have never came to terms with and only created more bad experiences and bad triggers. Women who have been abused have been used sexually. If they do not get counselling to deal with it they will feel they are being used sexually again and again especially if they havent built up trust love and respect with a person. They do this unconsciously of course so its best if youre dating a woman who has been sexually abused as a child that you remind her constantly of your feelings for her and that youre not trying to hurt her, if not you can easily trigger events from the past. I feel I have been very outright in the way I feel. I bent over backwards to prove myself. Deleted some people of my facebook page. Took something out my bathroom that she thought symbolize Im a player. I mean really she just would find something else to try to change or controll. It even went to she didnt want to have a kid, one of the reason was because I would love the kid more than her. I thought that was really nuts!!!! Im not labeling all women at all. That would be unfair and thats why I wanted to know what other men experiences were. Im focusing on my experiences in feeling like these women might not be capable of establishing real emotional attachments. I just think I decided I don't want to risk becoming emotionally involved with someone with that issue again, because I seem to be the one that gets screwed in the end. We where talking about the future. In that I want kid s Im sure when you where in a serious relationship. You discuss kids with your spouse? I also discuss marriage aswell and would have been happy to have both with her if she had the mental aspect toghether. Im 33 yrs old. If I was the BABY MOMMA type of guy. I would have had them buy know and I don't have any children. So I hope that clears up anything you may have thought about me! Family is important to me and I take marriage and children seriously. Whether this comment was true or not is kind of irrelevant. Actions speak louder than words, so far, you havent said anything that she or they have done that was so bad. You never really explained WHY they felt you treated them so bad and your explanations dont really make any sense. They cant all be just crazy. It seems youve already made up your mind that these women are crazy, these types of women are crazy, and youre not at fault. Ive tried my best. Just called me crazy and unreasonable for having my own feelings. It seems that you might be somewhat like him. None of them ever said I treated them bad. I just felt like nothing seemed to make them happy. There is two sides to every story and I will analyze what I did and try to learn from it. Im not trying to act like a victim. Im sure I could have handled a few things differently. I did try my best and put my best foot forward in investing in especially two of those relationships. Especially the communicating feelings part. I think certain things I dis unknowingly may cause her to react or over react with mistrust. Should I call and apologize even though we broke up. I wish the communication could have been better. As far as having a successful relationship with women abused as children, define successful. If you mean did the relationship result in marriage, measured as time together, result in a joining of two people forever that did not result in marriage. Many ways to define success in a relationship. Probably the most entirely horribly abused as a child woman I have ever known, was also the smartest, best woman I'll ever know. First let me say sexual abuse is terrible and happens too often and to those to young. Time to get tough on this. That said, women get to self diagnose sexual abuse. As such, what one considers sexual abuse may not be by another. Sometimes we never know the deal. OP - How can you associate, jealousy, Facebook stalking, etc to a history of abuse? I believe non-abused people do some of these too. Can you have a successful relationship? That said, again in my experience, if a woman makes a big deal that every male is out to attack her, her children, or brings up her sexual abuse history for no reason - I take it as a small red flag.
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